Today, I looked at my picture with interest and wondered why my smile didn’t reach my eyes.
My struggle to smile was so observable, and my faith in belonging in that space & folks was so unsure.
The people around me were appreciative & full of glee,
but I had a gaze of perpetual defeat.
My heart was exploding in my tightening chest
as my breath reminded me to hold onto something.
The only awareness was a powerful thought ‘where do I fit in?’
Like waves crashing on a rock, my mind bears a bend with the pressure of finding a path.
The fate of my joyous existence hangs in the balance as I ponder deeply on my mental tranquility.
I have imagined myself in rustic & beautiful places, with gorgeous beaches, towering mountains, and clouds at my feet,
Although I have been scared to step close to another being, my shaky confidence in my existence & fixed conceptions dive deep.
There have been times when I have crumbled on seeing a stranger’s genuine happiness,
I desired to knock on their doors and steal some in a rusted coffee can.
I strive to be an adequate worthy human being, with my heart surrounded by a vault of hope and new beginnings.
There is no clear path I see, just a will to make things respectable and say cheers to my self-esteem.
As I meditated, the loving and kind words of the family filled my heart with joy; I prayed to God for their eternal peace.
I reiterated this phase of confusion must pass as I prayed to the flickering lamp in the temple as the chants began.
