Today, I looked at my picture with interest and wondered why my smile didn’t reach my eyes.

My struggle to smile was so observable, and my faith in belonging in that space & folks was so unsure.

The people around me were appreciative & full of glee,

but I had a gaze of perpetual defeat.

My heart was exploding in my tightening chest

as my breath reminded me to hold onto something.

The only awareness was a powerful thought ‘where do I fit in?’

Like waves crashing on a rock, my mind bears a bend with the pressure of finding a path.

The fate of my joyous existence hangs in the balance as I ponder deeply on my mental tranquility.

I have imagined myself in rustic & beautiful places, with gorgeous beaches, towering mountains, and clouds at my feet,

Although I have been scared to step close to another being, my shaky confidence in my existence & fixed conceptions dive deep.

There have been times when I have crumbled on seeing a stranger’s genuine happiness,

I desired to knock on their doors and steal some in a rusted coffee can.

I strive to be an adequate worthy human being, with my heart surrounded by a vault of hope and new beginnings.

There is no clear path I see, just a will to make things respectable and say cheers to my self-esteem.

As I meditated, the loving and kind words of the family filled my heart with joy; I prayed to God for their eternal peace. 

I reiterated this phase of confusion must pass as I prayed to the flickering lamp in the temple as the chants began.

If you realize you are drifting away every minute to an invented happy place far away from reality, in search of an anchor,
When you feel damaged everywhere because you are exhausted from not fully accepting the harsh truths,
Please understand that you hit rock bottom when you desire every illusion to come true.

It’s not the circumstances that alter the mood but the thoughts around it.
The undisciplined beliefs and stories that have interwoven so complicatedly.

What’s not written in the stars will never appear, what’s yours will never abandon your life,
Life is a stubborn struggle to stay in the present moment, no matter how deep it cuts.

The battle between the logical and emotional mind often brings us to our knees,
Tears pouring, heartbreaking and unfulfilled screams.
But
You have no choice but to crawl forward, cursing and praying.

Not everyone has the privilege of holding another stretched-out hand, so digging your nails into the ground is your only chance.

I am one with nature. Divine radiance permeates my soul and illuminates my being.
The dark clouds disappear, and I sparkle like an emerald.

There will always be missteps in life and non-stop challenges,
Wake up every morning with a gentle reminder that you are not alone.

There is always a tribe you belong to, unique peeps & folks, who
will hold your hand, give you big hugs and rescue you from the darkest valleys of your mind.

These are the men & women who have suffered in the fires of misery like you and conjured enough courage to assist you in the positive transformation process.

You must not isolate yourself, and neither should you stop believing,
Loneliness is a curse we bestow on ourselves because we treasure self-pity.

Your experiences are not unique, just dressed in different wrapping sheets,
We all have our inner demons to battle & unspoken sacrifices to complete.

The burden we assume feels more lightweight when we connect with our tribe,
Love & gratitude exists in abundance in your circle, so go ahead and cleanse your soul and elevate your vibe.

We often feel like C-grade parents when we resort to yelling at our tiny humans, the regret is taxing to the senses & conscious. 

We dive into the sea of guilt so deep within and convince ourselves to be imperfect & hopeless, we dare not anticipate good grades in the eyes of our precious kids.

But, somewhere hidden deep beneath the layers of our minds, is a little child who still seeks validation, who is nervous and apprehensive, yet puts one foot in front of the other.

Can we allow ourselves as adults to accept that sometimes it is ok to flunk the exam of parenthood? 

Can we accept our highs & lows, resilience & shortcomings, tolerance & impatience? 

Perhaps the answer lies in just going with the flow. 

Finding timeless wisdom in Khalil Gibran’s writing on children,

“You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their soul’s dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them but seek not to make them like you.”

I felt miserable and empty as I walked into the park.

 Homesick and missing the known faces & warm hugs.

 The universe felt my pain & a gift appeared on the sidewalk.

I stood there for a few minutes staring at the disproportionate paper heart. 

I laughed at the timing and found my heartache less and loneliness comforting.

The universe magically places love signs everywhere, we need to keep our eyes open for the messages.

I once encountered a tiny blue shrimp, who anointed himself the “diamond king.”
His deep blue color reminded me of the stillness of the glacial waters of Canada, the deepness of a human mind, and the hues of churning oceans.
His petite frame & light persona were a concern, but as wise men state, ‘it’s not all about the looks, but the determination & blaze in your spirit.’
He bragged about his cousin, a gorgeous and popular lobster.
Arul’s tiny blue creature enjoyed all luxuries as the lucky charmer.

I marveled at his swimming skills amongst his lush surroundings.
Expertise in staying hidden from obstacles is a valuable life lesson.
Self-preservation is the essence of all life, whether actively participating in a fight or like our little shrimpy finding a good place to hide.
We may live an aggressive or non-confrontational life, but our fundamental instinct stands to be contented & thrive!

The journey to the unknown is terrifying. Often, no logical reasoning or emotional plea comes to the rescue.
Just putting one foot in front of the other is the practical option. Walking alone is nerve-wracking because you must trust yourself unconditionally to take the leap of faith.
No one will guide or catch you if you fall; the only lifeline is having faith in the supreme. The love to sustain oneself exists in the heart with the pain of loneliness as the roommate.

We are conditioned entities, coerced into believing in a spectacular performance of love like the enchanting Northern Lights, so wisdom demands that you pull the veil & notice the firestorms hidden beneath the lights.
Then, dance with the multicolor lights under the dark, deep sky; when the firestorms surround you, touch your heart and speak softly… “this too shall pass.”